Wow, today was soooo emotionally draining, It was my first day of school and it went pretty well, I felt invisible at times, but in a way it was easier than being "the new girl" and hearing about it all day. I had another run in with the cops, but it was nothing I did, it's just psycho adoptive parents, so basically I am getting it all taken care of with the help of god. Besides that, that boy we discuss often was in the hospital today :[ and I was worried sick all day, just praying that he would be okay, honestly, I wanted to go see him so bad, but I just talked to him on the phone and he is doing okay! :] I thank god for that too, god is all around me tonight. I just got home from youth group, and I have never wanted to open my life to the lord more than I have tonight. Like, I feel like he has put up his hedge of protection around me the past few days and I am sooo grateful. So from this day forward I want to give my life to the lord. I don't care if people think that it's not realistic, because I know god loves me, and its all I need. I just see the way christians are and the love they have in their hearts for others, I want to be a part of that. A life and attitude change is in process, and I know I'm gunna pull through, because the big guy up there is all about saving, and I need to be saved. I just have so much emotion in me currently and I need to get it out, so I think I am going to try and write it out in some poems, and just kinda veg out. After I finish my world history homework that is :P gross. ahahaha. Well *sigh* god bless you all, and I strongly suggest that you think about the direction your life is headed in and making sure that you are being the best you can be, and being someone people can look up to. It's never too late to accept god in your life. Until tomorrow, another hectic day in the life of me, I'm going to try and get some things accomplished, and have some reflection time.
peace, love, and Jesus,
TeaAnna Brittany <3
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
ohhh la la la.
fact: you lose 100 hairs a day, CRAZY right?
So it is August 24th, and I enrolled in my junior year today at my new school. Good goshhh im nervous for tomorrow to come, like what if I dont make friends? haha, im a little bitch about some things. haha. It's weird to be back in school, but i'm ready (: So about that no middle named boy, well, him and his girlfriend are doing well, yuck, haha juss kidding, I'm happy for him but still. He like, is everything I imagined a dream guy to be and more, and I guess thats the thing, he is too good to be true. Life is just a crazy thing, and I hope I can get good at it soon. See I don't want to talk about him anymore, but its hard not to, lol, cuz he's all I think about. Everything is settled with the whole CPS thing, I'm pretty sure aleast. I'm finally safe and secure in a home, only I like run the house. I do the cleaning and all that. but its okay. I am just super grateful. I honestly was always iffy about god, but when all of this was going down I prayed and I honestly let god into my life and I told him "if I have ever questioned my faith please forgive me and help me through this" and he hella did, my homeboy Jesus came through :] ha. Well, I want to talk to that boy gahh, he rocks my world, hah well, when he isn't too busy rocking hers. Damn, I sound dumb. Catch ya later, and I'll be posting more from now on.
xoxo,
TeaAnna Brittany <3
So it is August 24th, and I enrolled in my junior year today at my new school. Good goshhh im nervous for tomorrow to come, like what if I dont make friends? haha, im a little bitch about some things. haha. It's weird to be back in school, but i'm ready (: So about that no middle named boy, well, him and his girlfriend are doing well, yuck, haha juss kidding, I'm happy for him but still. He like, is everything I imagined a dream guy to be and more, and I guess thats the thing, he is too good to be true. Life is just a crazy thing, and I hope I can get good at it soon. See I don't want to talk about him anymore, but its hard not to, lol, cuz he's all I think about. Everything is settled with the whole CPS thing, I'm pretty sure aleast. I'm finally safe and secure in a home, only I like run the house. I do the cleaning and all that. but its okay. I am just super grateful. I honestly was always iffy about god, but when all of this was going down I prayed and I honestly let god into my life and I told him "if I have ever questioned my faith please forgive me and help me through this" and he hella did, my homeboy Jesus came through :] ha. Well, I want to talk to that boy gahh, he rocks my world, hah well, when he isn't too busy rocking hers. Damn, I sound dumb. Catch ya later, and I'll be posting more from now on.
xoxo,
TeaAnna Brittany <3
Friday, July 31, 2009
I'm still at a loss of words on how to describe "that" boy. Wow, It's so unreal how he swept me off my feet, like I told myself would never happen, but it is happening. I find him being the first thought when I wake up in the morning, and the last thought when I go to bed. and everything in between. I was talking to a friend about him and she said "I wish every guy was like that" I just laughed to myself and said, I don't because he is already taken by one girl : / and its not me, so take a number. I may have reached my X on the treasure map to love.....and I don't want to let go, but im not someone he wants to hold on to.
*interrupted by sudden phone call*
ill have to finish this later.
be back soon,
TeaAnna Brittany<3
*interrupted by sudden phone call*
ill have to finish this later.
be back soon,
TeaAnna Brittany<3
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Life is such a crazy thing.
Ugh, life is simply unpredictable. So you know how I am at my aunts house right? Well, this is all so new for me, a new town and soon a new school. I know NO ONE. AHHHH. I'm trippin because I am so nervous. Not to mention I am almost positive I broke three of my toes today, and it hurts so bad I can't move it. I have to go get x-rays tomorrow. WOW, I need to stop and take a deep breather sometimes. Also I am dealing with CPS and all the legal issues of having my aunt and uncle get custody over me. It is so stressful, plus I have sleep insomnia so I am not getting any sleep, which stresses me out even more. My aunt has been really on edge because all my cousins are making stupid choices, they are all 18 and over.
who lives in a pineappleunder the sea? :]
I do bitches :]
Anyways, *sigh* oh man, isn't he great? There is this guy, and he doesn't have a middle name heehee but I think he is great, haha. He just makes me feel so alive, and so..I don't even know how to explain this feeling. But there are some complications, such as distance :[ grrr. distance sucks. I guess it's better though, because in a way, I can work on bettering myself and getting better for him, before we see each other. The other problem is well, I'm not the one who has his heart. Call me determined, but I know somehow in my mind that things are gunna work out, and if they don't, everything will still be alright. I'm TeaAnna Brittany, I can endure any problem :] Atleast I like to think so. I have my days as well as everyone. If you only knew this guy though, I mean, take you a guy that you have found amazing before, and erase him from the idea because guarantee he is nothing like that. That's the thing he isn't like most guys. he is absolutely amazing, and like I said respectful. He makes you feel like he isn't there to just use you or just there to flirt around like most guys. He really makes you feel great :] gahhh, I probably should stop rambling on about him I think. Unfortunately, things like to fall into place for me, and fall right out, so before I get my hopes up I'll just keep it all going slow.
Anyways, I want to see that new movie The Time Travelers Wife, it looks so good :] yeah yeah yeah.
I am going to the doctor today for my throat, its all swollen and yucky, wish me luck.
peace and love,
TeaAnna Brittany<3
Anyways, *sigh* oh man, isn't he great? There is this guy, and he doesn't have a middle name heehee but I think he is great, haha. He just makes me feel so alive, and so..I don't even know how to explain this feeling. But there are some complications, such as distance :[ grrr. distance sucks. I guess it's better though, because in a way, I can work on bettering myself and getting better for him, before we see each other. The other problem is well, I'm not the one who has his heart. Call me determined, but I know somehow in my mind that things are gunna work out, and if they don't, everything will still be alright. I'm TeaAnna Brittany, I can endure any problem :] Atleast I like to think so. I have my days as well as everyone. If you only knew this guy though, I mean, take you a guy that you have found amazing before, and erase him from the idea because guarantee he is nothing like that. That's the thing he isn't like most guys. he is absolutely amazing, and like I said respectful. He makes you feel like he isn't there to just use you or just there to flirt around like most guys. He really makes you feel great :] gahhh, I probably should stop rambling on about him I think. Unfortunately, things like to fall into place for me, and fall right out, so before I get my hopes up I'll just keep it all going slow.
Anyways, I want to see that new movie The Time Travelers Wife, it looks so good :] yeah yeah yeah.
I am going to the doctor today for my throat, its all swollen and yucky, wish me luck.
peace and love,
TeaAnna Brittany<3
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
July 28, 2009 mood: frustration
quote of the day: "-she wipes off the black rivers running down her un-made cheeks. She takes a deep breath in and steadies herself. she can do this, keep going, pull through;; t h e-s h o w-m u s t-g o-o n"
Well hello there,
Unfortunately my first blog is not the happiest of tales, and it is not the way I wanted it to be but it is what it is right? Life is a crazy roller coaster, and I am just reaching its peak. Well, recently I have been enduring some challenging things, I was adopted at age six and a half, and before that age life was a complete nightmare. I remember thinking the day I was adopted "this is the first day of the rest of my life, today on, things are going to be different". Well, I wasn't wrong about that one, things have most definitely been different. I have grown up thinking of my self as a "problem child" because that was imprinted in my head my the many psychologists and therapists I had to go to. I had threatened my adoptive parents that I was going to run away to my aunts house if they didn't take me there. My adoptive parents, are wealthy better off people, but my main problem is you can't buy me love, and that is what they try to do. I would much rather feel genuine love for once in my life. So here I am, sitting at this keyboard, in my biological aunts house, and I couldn't be happier, except for the fact that I still have to deal with my adoptive parents. Whenever there is any contact made on the phone they tell my aunt, "do you not want her their anymore?" or "are you sick of her yet" like I'm a dog or something. I have had to deal with things that NO sixteen year old girl should have to deal with. It's incredibly painful, and leaves knots in my stomach. Not to mention I am dealing with heart brake. You see, what had happened was, the typical boy has girlfriend, another girl comes into the picture, and they fall for each other, so boy is left with making the decision, boy sticks with current girlfriend, and girl that got lead on is heart broken. As you could have guessed, with my luck, I was not the girlfriend in the situation. Well, I stopped talking with him for about two weeks, and everyday it seemed to hurt more, all i wanted was to hear his voice, for him to tell me he loves me. Well, just recently, about a week ago, he came to me and apologized for hurting me like he did, I put on that classic porcelain smile of mine, and that pretend "I'm fine" attitude and accepted his apology. Since then we have been talking and we jokingly call each other "best friends". We are on the phone daily, yet, he doesn't understand that with every word he says, the feelings come back and cut deeper. It hurts to hold on, but I don't dare let go. *sigh* Well, enough of my dramatic life, for now I have to get back in the saddle, and ride off to a better day, at least let's hope so.
Untill next time,
TeaAnna Brittany <3>
Well hello there,
Unfortunately my first blog is not the happiest of tales, and it is not the way I wanted it to be but it is what it is right? Life is a crazy roller coaster, and I am just reaching its peak. Well, recently I have been enduring some challenging things, I was adopted at age six and a half, and before that age life was a complete nightmare. I remember thinking the day I was adopted "this is the first day of the rest of my life, today on, things are going to be different". Well, I wasn't wrong about that one, things have most definitely been different. I have grown up thinking of my self as a "problem child" because that was imprinted in my head my the many psychologists and therapists I had to go to. I had threatened my adoptive parents that I was going to run away to my aunts house if they didn't take me there. My adoptive parents, are wealthy better off people, but my main problem is you can't buy me love, and that is what they try to do. I would much rather feel genuine love for once in my life. So here I am, sitting at this keyboard, in my biological aunts house, and I couldn't be happier, except for the fact that I still have to deal with my adoptive parents. Whenever there is any contact made on the phone they tell my aunt, "do you not want her their anymore?" or "are you sick of her yet" like I'm a dog or something. I have had to deal with things that NO sixteen year old girl should have to deal with. It's incredibly painful, and leaves knots in my stomach. Not to mention I am dealing with heart brake. You see, what had happened was, the typical boy has girlfriend, another girl comes into the picture, and they fall for each other, so boy is left with making the decision, boy sticks with current girlfriend, and girl that got lead on is heart broken. As you could have guessed, with my luck, I was not the girlfriend in the situation. Well, I stopped talking with him for about two weeks, and everyday it seemed to hurt more, all i wanted was to hear his voice, for him to tell me he loves me. Well, just recently, about a week ago, he came to me and apologized for hurting me like he did, I put on that classic porcelain smile of mine, and that pretend "I'm fine" attitude and accepted his apology. Since then we have been talking and we jokingly call each other "best friends". We are on the phone daily, yet, he doesn't understand that with every word he says, the feelings come back and cut deeper. It hurts to hold on, but I don't dare let go. *sigh* Well, enough of my dramatic life, for now I have to get back in the saddle, and ride off to a better day, at least let's hope so.
Untill next time,
TeaAnna Brittany <3>
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